Musings of the South

Annoyance

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, can't do that outloud and I felt like it.

Life Is Weird

Yes, weird is one of my favorite words. It can be applied to so many things. I was looking at some things that we got from my grandparents house in the storage facility last night with my dad. It got me to thinking today, that's all I have left of my grandparents...various objects made of wood and metal, and a few memories. It made me think of when my grandfather died last year and what a mix of feelings I had at the time. My grandfather died in the last week of June in 2002. That was really hard for me to deal with, especially because it was unexpected. It was such a mix of feelings because I had just broken up with my boyfriend and my grandfather died. I felt like I had nobody for a few days. Right after my grandfather died I got back together with my boyfriend, and a week later I got baptized. It was such a mix of happiness and sadness that I felt like I was in a tornado and I didn't know which end was up.

The reason I posted this here was just because I was thinking how we can both be happy and sad at the same time. We can cry when we're happy, we can laugh while we're sad, and we can laugh while crying. Humans aren't 'one mode of mind' creatures, our minds are multi-tasking. Sometimes with all those different and opposite feelings, though, it can cause us to lose balance (and in some cases sanity). I'm not saying I lost sanity at that time, but, it did cause a real confusion in my mind about everything.

I also posted this because I was thinking about how interesting it is that our memories can be so strong. I can remember so much, so well from that time. Some is a complete blur, but not all. I think it's interesting how our memories are linked. For instance, everytime I think about my grandfather dying, I think about my baptism. Every time I think about my baptism, I think about my grandfather dying. I remember the whooshing sound of the water around me when I was baptized, and I remember looking up at the lights when I came up. I remember exactly how I felt when I saw the few people that I cared about that showed up at the funeral home.

What determines what we remember? Why do I remember sounds, smells and lightings? Why not what someone said, what I said, what I did that day? I'm guessing I'll have no idea other than the theory of remembering in extremes even though I don't know why sounds, smells, and lighting would be an extreme.

Well, depressing as it may be in a way, that is my blog. Good Evening.