Musings of the South

Thinking

Well I've been down for almost 2 months with mono and busy with my family being insane, that accounts for my absence pretty well.

I've just been thinking today about how throughout life you go through phases where you are so inspired and intellectual, and then phases where you don't feel that anymore. I know it can't be just me that wavers back and forth every so often. For a long time, I've considered myself a writer. That's not to say I'm talented or a bad writer, it's just been my release and my love. Once in a while, though, I can't write or I can't write things as well as I used to.

My whole life I've been the kind of person that observes and analyzes everything and everyone. There are both advantages and disadvantages to that personality type. I learned for instance to avoid situations that had unfortunately befallen my sisters and friends because of their actions. I learned more about the way people's emotions worked, what everyone really craves in life. The deeper I got into it, though, the more I neglected my own self. I was so afraid of living like everyone else and making mistakes that I didn't make choices on anything. I never took risks and I was never that happy. I gained a wealth of knowledge from people just like me and also a sense of well-being. When I talked with people like me I finally felt like I fit in. We would talk for hours about emotions, how people find or just miss the happiness they're looking for, how there are so many mind-boggling facets to everyday things like the stars and how they affect us down to, not just our health, but our psyche.

I don't examine those things very often anymore. In some ways, I'm glad that I don't. Being so intensely focused on the happenings around you makes your fear of yourself grow to immense proportions. It makes you constantly size yourself up against everyone and everything else. You know your every flaw and you dwell on it until it eats you away.

Now on the flip side of this, not analyzing things after doing it for years, can make you feel like you hold so much less knowledge than you used to. That's where I am now. I know at one point in time I could converse in the most articulate of ways when needed. Now I feel as though I stumble to find accurate words to fill my most basic sentences. I know that it is a great deal my fault since I have been so consumed with one or two things in my life lately that have sucked up my capacity to think straight. I have realized, though, I've got to force myself to constantly learn in order to hold a balance. Some days I remind myself of Jessica Simpson and while I think she seems like a sweet girl, that isn't something to always be proud of.

So, this is the end (for now) of my blog that leads to no where. There is nothing to be gained from it except the simple release of saying what I think. There you have it, my thoughts of the day.....may the force...umm...I mean, Foster's (australian fo' Beer) be with you. Good day.