Musings of the South

Reflecting

I've been sitting here today going over my life, especially my past, trying to determine how my future should be. I keep coming back to this place only to find that when I start to get to know myself I throw myself into someone else. I guess I need to find someone that I'm myself with. I always end up adapting but I adapt to things that aren't really healthy. I love James so I'm still hurting about that, but I know it's for the best. I can't live my life as someone else.

I'm happy to be back with my friends. They have supported me so well just in the last few days that I've been home. There's really no better place for me than at the hall and in the presence of my friends.

Here are some lyrics that describe my feelings:

"Out on the road between nowhere and hell
I caught a glimpse of my reflection in you
But they can't believe I still want you around

Hung on the line between addiction and this
I can't believe you said I hurt you again
But I can't afford to let you get away
And I cannot take the darkness when you stay

You're all I see
And it's definitely my fault
You're all I see
But don't come near me at all" - The Road Between by Lisa Marie Presley

"Maybe if I liked being alone I could give you your life back and let you go.
Maybe if I got it together again I wouldn't be belligerent and such a princess.
Maybe the reason I'm so needy is because I never had real devotion.
Maybe I criticized your loyalty because it wasn't given to me." - Important by Lisa Marie Presley

"I'm full of regret
For all things that I've done and said
And I don't know if it'll ever be ok to show
My face 'round here
Sometimes I wonder if I disappear

Would you ever turn your head and look
See if I'm gone
Cause I fear

There is nothing left to say to you
That you wanna hear
That you wanna know
I think I should go
The things I've done are way too shameful" - Tangled by Maroon 5

"On the way home,
this car hears my confessions.
I think tonight I'll take the long way.
This weather.
The wind outside is biting.
It has left me feeling tired & exposed.
You've been asking me to bleed.
It seems these kinds of questions
They come too easy to you now.
Your lack of shame comes naturally.
I should not be suprised.
I should have seen it sooner.

You expect me to apologize
for things that you've done wrong.
While you're inciting others.
You're owning up to nothing
and I wish that I was gone,
because you're not going anywhere.

This damp air
is fighting my defroster.
My sighs they ring victorious
& fog this tinted glass.
It's clouded
& so is my head.
The hint of these new tears are sharp.
I try to choke them back.
But it's useless.
I am useless against them.
They are beating me with ease.

On the way home
this car hears my confessions.
I think tonight I'll take the long way." - The Sharp Hint of New Tears - Dashboard Confessional

I promise I'm not 100% sad, I'm actually doing pretty well, I just can't find other songs that cover me right now in that area, lol. I hope everyone is doing well and I really want to hear from everybody soon. Love ya, take care.