Musings of the South

Writings

I just thought I'd put up some stuff I've written, so here goes:

No

Speak to me
Words that I want to hear
Tell me you're miserable without me
And it wont get better until I'm near
Tell me how wrong you were
To ever let me go
Tell me how badly you want to call me
Just to say hello
Tell me that you need me
Half as much as I needed you
Tell me that you want me
Tell me you're sad too
Tell me how you're sorry
Tell me how much pain
Tell me that you miss me
Tell me it wont happen again
Tell me you meant everything
Tell me nothing was a lie
Tell me the only thing that stands in our way
Is your own selfish pride
Tell me you abandoned me
And how you did me wrong
Tell me how you nearly cry
Everytime you hear our song
Tell me that you can hear me
Calling out your name
Tell me you can feel me
And that you'll never be the same
Tell me that you love me
And you never let it show
Tell me how you'd pine for me
So that I can tell you no
**********************************

Someday

Dawn of a new day
How will my life be
What can I change
I dyed my hair
I changed my name
I played my guitar
It's all the same
It's just the cycle that I go through
To cleanse myself
To purge
All my thoughts of you
I drive around now
Confessing thoughts in my head
By singing songs on the radio
That are what I would have said
If you had only listened
If I wasn't so scared
If I had been stronger
If you were always there
But I like my hair now
And I value my name
I'm done writing songs about you
Some day I'll never think about you again
*********************************************
That's all for now.

What's Happennin...

Hey, so yeah, I'm starting to come out of my shell again. I thought I'd update since I know at least somebody reads my posts (thanks Javann). For the most part I am done reflecting on the past and am concentrating on the future...the future is good. We can do so much with the future..almost anything we want, in fact. I've been so narrow-minded as far as my own life is concerned. I've been training myself since I was 14 to be a wife and never trained myself to be a kid, or a happy adult. I need to live for Jehovah, and myself, and then if someone comes along down the road when I'm ready I'll relinquish my singleness. I want to do some things that being single has afforded me the opportunity for. I would like to be in the ministry more, take some trips (you don't know how badly I need a vacation), visit friends and have fun. I have been blessed with so many things that I am just now realizing. My life is full of things to be happy about, even if there are some things to be really sad about. With all that in mind, my mindset for the last few weeks has been:

"I'm crying everyone's tears
And there inside our private war
I died the night before
And all of these remnants of joy and disaster
What am I suppose to do

I want to cook you a soup that warms your soul
But nothing would change, nothing would change at all
It's just a day that brings it all about
Just another day and nothing's any good

The DJ's playing the same song
I have so much to do
I have to carry on
I wonder if this grief will ever let me go
I feel like I am the king of sorrow, yeah
The king of sorrow

I suppose I could just walk away
Will I disappoint my future if I stay
It's just a day that brings it all about
Just another day and nothing's any good

The DJ's playing the same song
I have so much to do
I have to carry on
I wonder will this grief ever be gone
Will it ever go
I'm the king of sorrow, yeah
The king of sorrow

I'm crying everyone's tears
I have already paid for all my future sins
There's nothing anyone
Can say to take this away
It's just another day and nothing's any good

I'm the king of sorrow, yeah
King of sorrow
I'm the king of sorrow, yeah
King of sorrow" - "King of Sorrow" by Sade

Now my mood is more in this direction...

"sometimes somebody can bring you down so far
below anywhere you've gone
sometimes somebody can bring you down so far
below anywhere you know
so much so fast feels like you can't
take the pain but remember
there's no going back
something's so broken down
busted and underground
but here's your chance to surrender

thanks to you
i had a nervous breakthrough

lay down your gun, lay down your pack
it's time to recognize the fact
that all the best things make you nervous
and all the best things come in disguise
so much so fast feels like you can't take the pain
but remember there's no going back
somethings so broken down
busted and underground
but here's your chance to surrender

thanks to you
i had a nervous breakthrough

It's the thing that puts music in your soul
It's the thing that lets everybody know
It's the thing that creeps into your feet
It's the thing that flows into the beat
I was off kilter, now I got shelter
thanks to you I'm gonna breakthrough" - "Nervous Breakthrough" by Luscious Jackson

The Luscious Jackson song really describes me well right now. I've had some down times but I'm seeing the positive things resulting. So maybe by the next time I update this, I'll be done talking about how I'm 'feeling' and will be telling you about the fun, or boring things, that I'm doing. I wish everyone a wonderful Tuesday, love ya.